I would like to start out by introducing myself. My name is Deborah, Deb to those that know me. For those of you that don't know me, and are wondering what I know about grief, I will tell you a little about me. I lost my son Joshua on August 30, 1996.  He was two months away from turning 16.  He was killed in a car wreck, along with the young man driving.  I lost my father on December 28, 1996, and my mother on Oct 13, 1997.  So I do know about grief, and the heartbreak it causes.

For those of you just starting on your journey of grief, or those that have been on the path for awhile, I will try and answer a few questions for you. Your first question is probably how long does grief last: Unfortunately there are no clear answers. Every person's grieving is unique; we all have our own personalities and coping behaviors. Our relationship to the one we lost, and many other factors. As to how the person died and if it was expected or sudden, and whether someone caused it. So my answer to that is grief will last as long as it takes you to start to heal, to come to terms with it. Your background, your faith, all play a part. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is a roller coaster ride for most, it peaks and falls. Yes at times you feel as if you are going crazy, don't you are in company with many. Just do what is right for you. It is also not nuts to talk about your loss. They were and still are a part of you. It is a heart and now a soul bond. Do whatever it takes. Write in a journal, take walks, and talk with others that understand.  Do things for other people. These and more are ways to help you get through the bad days.

By now you are probably asking, where is the hope, what is there to be thankful for?  Well I am going to tell you.  As time goes by you WILL feel yourself growing stronger, more mature, and most of all more understanding and compassionate.  You will learn new and valuable lessons on the real meaning of life, and of love. These aren't lessons we wish to learn, but they are there for you to now be able to help others.

There is no denying it hurts to lose a precious child, a parent, a sibling, and any loving relationship.  It is painful to be the one left behind.  But there is more to losing than the pain and hurt. You gain courage, a strength of heart.  It is also a time of learning, a time to learn some valuable lessons. When you lose , there are things to find.  When we let go, there are things to grab hold of.  Endings, means finding new beginnings.  You will grow from your loss.  You are not alone.

Now as to what I am thankful for.  There are memories to be cherished, and for that I am thankful. The days are not as long and the nights not so painful, for that I am thankful.  The pain is still there, but not as harsh, for that I am thankful.  Days and months go by, and my spirit remains, for that I am thankful.  There's a quietness in the house, a precious face missing, but my heart remembers, for that I am thankful.  The sadness is less, and I can now smile and laugh, for that I am thankful. I can trust my heart to keep on loving others, and to help when I can, for that I am thankful.

I hope this helps in some small way to give you some hope and to give you something to be thankful for. My love to each and everyone of you on this your journey.

Deborah Long
Deb

Hi everyone and welcome to Speaking Of Spirits! Many people hold the belief that there is life after death.  That life doesn't end in death.  That death is a transition to another realm. That this other realm is of a spiritual nature where we will continue on our spiritual journeys of learning and growth. This leaves many of us who's loved ones have passed praying and hoping for some kind of sign that this is true.

Those signs come in many shapes and sizes. Each ADC (after death communication) is as individual and unique and the two souls involved. ADC's can range from a fleeting thought that popped into your head from out of nowhere to dreams to actual manifestations of our loved ones and they can appear as everything and anything in between! The key here is to be open to the signs.  First you have to BELIEVE!  Belief is half the process. If we BELIEVE anything is possible! Next thing to do is ASK and/or PRAY for communication with your loved one.  One of the toughest lessons I have learned in life is that you must ask for what you need.  If you don't ask…how can you receive? Next thing we need to do is make sure we are open to receive and to LOOK for the small signs our loved ones send along the way.  It seems we spend lots of energy waiting for the "bolt of lightning" as Sharross has so eloquently put it in this months feature story. If we focus on the big stuff…the little stuff seems to happen unnoticed.  Look for the whiff of cologne that came from nowhere. Or the penny that just happened to appear.  How bout that one flower that seems to stand out from the others.  Maybe the telephone rings, and it appears that no one on the other end.  My favorite is while driving down the road a song that reminds me especially of my loved one starts playing out of the blue. There are so many different ways our loved ones send us signs that they are ok.  Look inside yourself, look deep into your heart. And believe! 

This months feature story was submitted by Sharross.  I'm sure you will enjoy this experience as much as I did.  Thank you so much Sharross for sharing such an enlightning and uplifting story!

It's just one year, since my best friend Barb's journey to the spiritworld began.  We shared so much throughout our 20 years together on this side and we had discussed if one of us was taken before the other, we would surely be back to communicate.  This has been a most difficult year, spent waiting and wondering if that communication would ever actually come.  I have been in many a chat with mediums, and so many people have had wonderful messages from those dear to them.  Several readers have told me that she is giving me so many signs, but I just am not seeing them. 

On the one-year anniversary weekend of her passing, I attended a soccer game for my son (which she always attended with me).  While sitting in the stands and remembering games we had attended together, I saw the most beautiful butterfly flying straight across the field seemingly directly at me.  It came so close, I almost could have reached out and touched it, yet no one else there seemed to see it. I know in my heart finally that this was my special sign, and a peace settled in my heart, cause this time I didn't miss it!

The following weekend, I was near the cemetery and decided to pay a quick visit.  Unlike the previous visits, the tears had subsided and there was a new understanding in my heart.  Of course, a little doubt still edged its way in.  I told her I just knew that she had sent the butterfly, but could she please just send one more sign to let me know I was on the right track.  As I sat there, I looked up slightly and right before me grew the most beautiful area of "pure white essence", like hundreds of diamonds sparkling in the sun. I felt a love and warmth generate from it like none I've ever known.  I thanked her for helping me with this confirmation and as quickly as it appeared, it was gone.

I wish I could say she appeared before me and we talked and shared one of those special times I miss so much, but we have to believe and watch for the signs that we are given.  When looking through the haze of grief and sorrow, they aren't always clear because they aren't the ones "we want".   I guess, for me, I was waiting for a "bolt of lightening" that just isn't gonna come. I thank God I stopped looking for that huge sign, long enough to see the gift that I was being given.  We can all take joy in knowing our loved ones are watching and loving us still.

If you would like to submit your experience, or have any comments or suggestions, please e-mail me at LeedenEdge@aol.com.  I'm looking forward to hearing from you!  Remember…. We are all on this journey together! Wishing you all many blessings!
Till next time……..

1. The gift of listening...
Try giving this to someone in need. And you must really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your responses. Just listen

2. The gift of signs of affection...
Be generous with your hugs, kisses and gentle squeezes of the hand.  Let these tiny actions demonstrate the love inside of you.

3. The gift of a note...
It can be as simple as "I Love You" or as creative as a sonnet.  Put your notes where they will surprise your loved ones.

4. The gift of laughter...
Just cut out a cartoon, save a clever article. Your gift will say,  "I love to laugh with you."

5. The gift of compliment...
A simple "You look good in blue" or "Good supper" can be of greatest value to those who may feel they are being taken for granted.

6. The gift of a favor...
Help with the dishes, run an errand, etc.

7. The gift of leaving alone...
There are times in our lives when we want nothing better than to be left alone.  Become more sensitive to those times and give solitude.

8. The gift of a cheerful disposition...
Try to be cheerful around those you love.

9. The gift of a game...
Offer to play your loved one's favorite game. Even if you lose, you'll be a winner.

10. The gift of prayer...
Pray for your loved ones and let them know you pray for them

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